New Competition Format Tested, Shows Serious Promise

Let’s not beat around the bush:

The international skiing authorities and main stakeholders are deeply concerned by an acute lack of sh*t -talking and cat-fighting in cross-country skiing, those essential elements of the ” Ratings Game” in the current environment.

The utter lack of sex scandals, “wardrobe malfunctions” or, at the very least, public boyfriend swapping, contributres to the falling ratings as viewers and sponsors flock to new ” hawt” sports such as bog snorkeling or intimate doll rafting ( yes, there IS such a sport!)

The rescue came from the East, of course. An ambitious cable-making start-up YuYeYuan CheSeal VeryBest UnLimited has offered its hi-end cables and a considerable amount of renminbi, provided an international competition featuring its products and bearing its name is organized.

Being the biggest profile tabloid in the known part of the Universe, the Daily Skier was offered a sneak peek on the new project, exclusively.

What you see here is a test run on the idea of a new race, tried during the recent World Juniors at Oberwiesenthal, Germany. Since the secrecy is essential in these matters, the skiers involved have not been told in advance that they are, effectively, Guinea pigs on narrow planks .

” It would be an exaggeration to say that the new format was met with universal approval by athletes, ” reveals an anonymous high ranking official in charge of testing, ” but it would come with time, no doubt. Most importantly, our focus group was completely delighted with the show, with some even mentioning that they might actually prefer it to the Toe Wrestling Open on TV – and that’s saying something in 2020!”

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The Lunar calendar strongly indicates that the first official race in new format is best held on April 1st next year with the date becoming firmly set in the future.

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